


You Pull Me Back Together (You're Ripping Me Apart)

by SaltyStarChild (Charonte_Queen)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I also wrote this instead of the big fic I should be focusing on, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Songfic Sort Of?, but I can't do that until this is done, fight me, i guess, inspired by a song so I mean, is it really angst though? prolly not, nevermind i'm not gonna learn, no one else is really mentioned sorry, spoiler klance is endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-03 09:03:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17281124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charonte_Queen/pseuds/SaltyStarChild
Summary: "This, Keith knows, is the worst kind of torture."--//--"Lance is happy. Really, he is."--//--"Allura wished she hadn’t let Lance heal the wounds of heartbreak when she would inevitably inflict the very same pain upon him."[or: Keith wants Lance to be happy, even if it hurts. Lance should be elated, but he's not; he thinks he knows why. Allura regrets a decision made with a not-so-clear mind and resolves to fix it.]





	You Pull Me Back Together (You're Ripping Me Apart)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hi, how ya doin'? First things first, this fic is inspired by the song Ripping Me Apart by the band Nothing More. Highly recommend a listen to it.
> 
> So, I dunno if you actually read the tags, but I am working on another big Klance fic. I can't promise when it'll be done, but I will say that it's one wild ride: full of unsolved murders, a bit magic, and a mystery only Keith, Lance, and their friends have the keys to figuring out, they're up against an unknown enemy that has to be brought down before they kill anyone else.
> 
> Sounds fun, right? It's one hell of a doozy but I'm having a good time writing it so far. Check out my tumblr (@salty-star-child) to catch potential first looks into the drafts!

              Keith watched them from the corner of his eye. Whether it was sitting in on meetings or walking in the Garrison hallways, Lance and Allura were _close_ , closer than Keith had ever seen them before. But he’d been gone for a long time. Something had obviously shifted.

              It hurt.

              He couldn’t help but wonder if things would be different if he hadn’t left or if he’d come back sooner. He wondered if whatever it was that had shifted between Lance and Allura would have shifted at all if he’d been there. He wondered if maybe, just maybe, if he’d been there, if whatever it was that shifted between _them_ would have happened to _him_ and Lance instead.

 _Wishful thinking_ , Keith told himself. _No use thinking about it_.

Besides, it _hurt_ to think about. But it hurt just as much to not think about it.

He saw Allura lean up and kiss Lance’s cheek from the corner of his eye, the movement bringing him back to reality. Keith felt his throat closing up as his heart squeezed and his stomach dropped. Even though he _knew_ they were a thing, had _expected_ it since he returned and saw them, it still felt as if someone had pulled the rug from under his feet. And just like the fall, everything other than the pain faded from his awareness.

This, Keith knows, is the worst kind of torture.

It was an autopsy and Lance was the medical examiner. Except Keith isn’t dead and he can feel everything as Lance makes the incisions that split the delicate stitching of skin, feels the shears opening his chest cavity, feels as Lance cuts the soft tissue connected to his heart, feels as it’s removed by careful gentle hands. It’s the delicacy that hurts the most. The way his heart is handled with care, as if Lance isn’t taking his _life_ , hurts Keith more than anything.

Keith watches Lance smile at Allura, and he’s being put back together at the sight of that smile just to be taken apart again because it’s not for him.

**\--//--**

              Lance is happy. He is, really.

But he isn’t as happy as he thinks he should be.

He feels warm inside when he and Allura are together, but he isn’t over-the-moon-can’t-stop-smiling happy. Allura is the center of most of his thoughts, but it isn’t really in a _good_ way where something just reminds him of her or a specific memory of them together. It’s _how would Allura react to [blank]_ or _Allura doesn’t like [blank] about you so tone it down_ or _what would Allura think if she saw you doing [blank]_.

It doesn’t feel good.

It feels like he’s throwing pieces of himself away, but there isn’t anything to take the place of those pieces so there’s just gaping holes where they’d been. The warmth he feels around Allura is dulled, seeping out those unfilled gaps. More than anything, he just feels a weight resting on his shoulders and bearing down on the back of his neck.

He thinks he knows what the weight is. He thinks there’s a weight _because_ he knows.

He also thinks that the weight is part of the reason that he isn’t as happy as he should be.

Lance can see Keith a little ways away and it almost seems like the other is staring (though Lance is sure that’s just his imagination, that he’s reading it that way because he _wants_ to). He smiles when Allura leans up and presses a gentle kiss to his cheek. The smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes because the damn weight grows heavier at the contact.

For a brief moment, though the weight is heavy and steadily growing heavier, all the gaping holes and missing pieces of him don’t matter. He doesn’t feel _whole,_ but he doesn’t feel broken either. But the moment is gone in a breath and the holes feel more prominent than ever.

There’s a look in Allura’s eyes, a shining undercurrent that cuts through the happy surface and adds to the weight on his shoulders. He’d like to believe it to be love or fondness—so long as it was anything positive, he’d be okay with that. But he knows that’s not the case. He knows because he sees it in his own reflection. A level of sadness, guilt, and regret that run deeper than any ocean Lance knows of. And when Lance sees that look, that shining sadness, he thinks that maybe Allura has her own weight resting on her shoulders and pushing, pushing, _pushing_ her into the ground the way his is.

They should probably talk about it. Lance knows they _should_.

But, he’s happy right now…isn’t he?

\--//--

Allura knows what she’s doing isn’t necessarily a good thing, though she’d been too distraught and out-of-sorts to notice that crucial detail when she had first started this. She’d realized later, of course, once she’d been able to properly recompose herself with a clearer mind. But by then…

By then, Lance’s presence and affection was a soothing balm upon the wounds Lotor left behind and she wasn’t sure she was ready or willing to lose it.

Lance had held her while she cried, listened as she lamented her regrets and her pain, offered advice when she’d needed it the most. He’d been honest, constant, safe, _good_. Everything Lotor had turned out not to be. Lance’s love was pure and flowed like an unending river. But that was the problem.

While Lance’s love and attentions came from places of purity and genuine affection, Allura’s came from…less honorable places. A need for safety. A need for something constant, consistent. A need for something she _knew_ , was familiar with, and wouldn’t let her down.

She wished she could shower Lance in the affection and devotion he deserved, because Lance was a wonderful person and an incredible Paladin. She wished she hadn’t let Lance heal the wounds of heartbreak when she would inevitably inflict the very same pain upon him. The thought of having to hurt Lance in such a way tore her apart, though she knew it was necessary. And whenever she had managed to gather the courage to broach the subject, he would smile and Allura wouldn’t be able to bring herself to say anything that would wipe it away.

They parted ways, Allura placing a gentle kiss upon Lance’s cheek and receiving the smile that always halted her confession before it reached her lips. She could see Keith down the hall, watching them and trying to seem inconspicuous.

Maybe she could bring up her predicament to _Keith_. Allura had noticed the Paladin’s less-than-subtle staring the past few weeks, and she was beginning to suspect that Keith may have started to figure her out anyway. He’d always had very good instincts. Not only that, but Keith knew Lance differently than the others and Allura supposed that maybe—just maybe—Keith might have some insight into what Allura should do and say so as to minimize the pain Lance would feel.

Just as Allura started to make her way down the hall, the Paladin’s name upon her lips, her target turned around and started walking away at a steady pace. She stopped walking, confused at the sudden departure, eyebrows scrunched together as she pouted.

She took off running.

\--//--

Keith had been cornered.

As soon as he’d noticed that Allura had started to chase after him, he’d run as fast as he could, taking random turns in hopes of losing and confusing her. Unfortunately, he’d run himself into a dead end, the hallway lined with doors to conference rooms—all of which only had the one exit.

Allura was upon him in a matter of seconds, gripping his upper arm tightly in one hand as she pulled open one of the empty conference room doors and dragged him inside. She shut the door behind them and gestured for him to take a seat after letting him go.

He avoided her eyes as he sat down, preparing for the most awkward conversation of his life after having been caught staring at her and Lance. But what she said wasn’t what he had expected at all.

“I could use some advice,” she’d said. He looked up, surprised, mouth hanging open and eyes narrowed as his face creased in his confusion.

“Advice?” he asked, skeptical and hesitant. “About…what, exactly?”

Allura bit her bottom lip, hands wringing together.

“I have this…problem,” she started, hesitance and embarrassment evident in her quiet voice. “Not long ago, I may have done something… _impulsive_ …that I shouldn’t have. I was distraught and not thinking clearly and I fear that the time to face the consequences of that action is quite soon, but...now that I am no longer as distressed as I was at the time, I have come to realize that those consequences will hurt someone who does not deserve it.”

Understanding washed over Keith as he realized who was going to be hurt in this situation. Tears had welled up in Allura’s eyes, and Keith watched as they pooled and slipped down her cheeks. They stared at each other in silence as he waited for his teammate to wipe away the tears and recompose herself. He knew that Allura hated crying in front of anyone.

“You’re talking about Lance,” he said definitively, voice equally as quiet as Allura’s had been though much more resigned. She nodded.

His shoulders fell, and eyes closed.

“So why are you telling me and not him,” Keith sighed. He’d always been a more direct person and saw no use in beating around the bush.

“I don’t want to hurt him,” Allura whispered. “I wish I could just—”

“There’s no way around it, Allura,” he cut her off. “The worst thing you can do is to keep putting it off. It’s going to hurt him, whether you want it to or not. But the longer you wait, the more it’ll hurt. You just—you have to be honest with him. Lance deserves honesty.”

\--//--

Lance knew they should talk about what was weighing upon their shoulders.

He thinks they should have talked about it sooner.

\--//--

He hadn’t been looking for anyone, certainly not Keith, but his feet had taken him to outside Keith’s door all the same.

Lance remembered the last time he’d found himself outside the Black Paladin’s door. He hadn’t necessarily been looking for Keith then either, had just been wandering the halls of the Castle of Lions while his worries ran rampant in his thoughts. His fist hovered over the door, contemplating knocking. He’s hesitating because he isn’t entirely sure why he’s here in the first place, or what he would even say.

Keith made the decision for him in the end.

The door slid open, startling Lance who jumped back from the entryway. He stared at Keith with wide eyes, sure his expression was a mirror image of Keith’s dumbfounded one.

“Lance?”

The hand that had been in the air made its way to behind his neck as he shuffled his feet.

“Uh,” Lance cleared his throat, “hey, man.”

Keith only raised an eyebrow in question, and Lance was reminded of how hard it once was to read the other’s facial expressions. Lance was glad to see that, despite the time spent with the Blade of Marmora, Keith’s eyes gave away exactly how he was feeling. The concern in his eyes warmed Lance’s heart.

“Can we—can I come in?” Lance asked. Keith nodded and stepped to the side to let Lance in, shutting the door behind him. Lance glanced around the room and paced a bit before deciding that it would be alright to take a seat on Keith’s bed. Keith stayed near the door with his arms crossed, giving Lance space but seeming unsure of what else to do.

“So, uh,” Lance forged ahead, fiddling with the sheets on Keith’s bed. “Allura and I talked earlier, and I…I feel really weird about it.”

“Weird how?” Keith asked when Lance didn’t immediately elaborate.

“Like, I didn’t—I didn’t feel _sad_ or anything,” Lance sighed. “You’re supposed to be sad when someone breaks up with you, right? Instead I just felt a little…relieved, I guess? It was like I’d been carrying around this weight and while we talked, it just fell away.”

Lance stood up from his seat abruptly and he started pacing back and forth, hands cutting through the air as his mouth spat out his worries rapid-fire, talking himself through the mess of emotions he was feeling.

“But, like, I _should_ be sad, you know? Or at least _disappointed_! I’ve been chasing after Allura for what feels like forever and she was finally looking at me like I meant something to her. Like I wasn’t just the goofball friend who doesn’t really contribute anything to the team—”

“Lance, you know that’s not—” Keith tried to interject, but Lance was on a roll.

“—but it still felt a little wrong! Because, like, I’d _been_ there, the _whole_ time, and—and she didn’t see me, _really_ see me, until after the whole Lotor mess. Did you know that I loved her? Like, I really, really _loved_ her, Keith, and it hurt to see her with Lotor, but she seemed so happy so I thought, hey she’s happy and you should be allowed to be happy too and it’s not going to happen with her so you gotta let go and move on. I was sad about it, yeah, I even moped to the mice about it, but _I was doing it_ , Keith. It was slow, but I was—I was letting _go._

“But then you came back with this big revelation and BOOM! Lotor’s a bad guy again, Allura’s heartbroken, Voltron fights Lotor in the weird quintessence field place, and suddenly Allura’s interested? That’s—there’s something—there’s something not right with that. Right? It’s not just me that sees that?”

Lance turned, watery wild eyes searching Keith’s face for validation, confirmation that the weight that had been resting heavy on his shoulders was exactly what he thought it was. Allura hadn’t said it explicitly. He just wanted— _needed_ —to hear someone else say it. But Keith doesn’t say anything yet. He just moves towards Lance slowly like he’s approaching an agitated animal in the wild.

Keith’s hands come up to Lance’s shoulders and he gently guides Lance back down to sit on the bed again, determinedly holding Lance’s frantic gaze and exuding the same calm confidence he had the last time Lance found himself coming to Keith about his insecurities. Lance hadn’t even realized just how worked up he’d gotten until the muscles in his back and shoulders relaxed and his breathing evened out and his stomach didn’t feel like it just went on the single wildest rollercoaster that existed on Earth.

“—that’s it, just breathe,” Keith muttered quiet but confident.

 _Oh shit_ , Lance thought, _Keith’s been talking. Has he been talking this whole time?_

“It’s okay,” Keith smiled, though it was quickly replaced by a look of concern. “Are you…feeling better?”

Lance took a couple deep breaths and sighed.

“Yeah,” Lance said. “Yeah, a little bit.”

He fell backwards, letting himself rest on his back and stare up at the ceiling.

“I think I knew the entire time that the whole,” Lance waved his hand through the air, “ _thing_ Allura and I had wasn’t…real—no, that’s not—I mean, like, it wasn’t entirely genuine I guess? I was just—just the rebound.”

“That’s, uh,” Keith cleared his throat, clearly unsure of what to say. “That’s rough, buddy. That’s…really fucking rough.”

Lance huffed a half-hearted laugh. There was a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips but there was still water building in his eyes, pooling at the corners as gravity coaxed a few tears down the sides of his face. He didn’t have the energy to wipe them away and just kept staring up, feeling as cold as the metal ceiling above them. The bed shifted beneath him as Keith shifted next to him. Neither said anything, letting the silence hang undisturbed as the tears fell and dried along Lance’s cheekbones.

“Um,” Keith’s quiet voice broke the slightly uncomfortable silence. “Earlier, you said you didn’t really contribute anything to the team…but—and I really need you to listen to what I’m saying right now—Lance, you do so much for the team, the Coalition, _me_. You understand people in a way that I don’t think anyone else on the team can. You’re a brilliant strategist and you don’t give yourself enough credit for it.”

Lance turned his head so he could look up at Keith and couldn’t say he was surprised to find the other’s eyes already fixed on his face. The soft fondness held within the purple irises made Lance’s chest feel light and warm and filled him with an inexplicable need to brush back the long dark bangs so he could see those eyes better. Keith’s face looked softer like this, angled down, hair hanging in his face and around his shoulders, and a close-lipped smile only barely there.

“Thanks, Keith,” Lance whispered with a slight waver in his voice that was only mildly embarrassing. “It just sucks, knowing that you’ll always just be second best.”

“That’s not true. You aren’t second best to anyone, Lance.”

“But it _is_ true, man. Second best to you at the Garrison, second best to Lotor with Allura. I just really…” Lance sighed, forcing himself not to look away from Keith. “It’d be nice, to be someone’s first choice for once.”

“Well,” Keith started, a playful sheen coating the fondness in his eyes. “You’re definitely the best shot, so I’d say you’re first there. And you’re first at terrible pick-up lines.”

Lance weakly smacked Keith’s thigh, but his eyes were drier than they’d been.

“And,” Keith’s entire body seemed to relax and soften as he continued, “you’re first to me.”

Lance’s eyes widened as a fresh wave of tears stung as they pushed their way to the surface. His heartrate picked up, his throat constricted, and he could feel his bottom lip start to wobble.

“Keith—”

“Lance, you’re an amazing friend, and I value that more than anything. You’re the kind of person that I will always want in my life, any way I can have it.”

“That’s…that’s really nice, Keith,” Lance whispered. “That’s…yeah, that sounds really…nice”

Lance was hardly able to process what Keith was saying, even less able to sort out what all it meant. All he understood was that Keith’s words filled in those holes Lance had created, told him that, in Keith’s eyes at least, he didn’t need to change or get rid of any aspect of himself. Because Keith wanted _him_ in his life always, just as he is. And always was a long time. If it hadn’t been for the confidence in the other’s voice, Lance may have questioned how sure Keith was about that. But he knew Keith, and Keith never said anything he didn’t _mean,_ which just made Lance lightheaded and his skin tingle.

“Do you, uh, think you’ll be…okay?” Keith asked, looking hesitant to broach the topic again.

Looking up at Keith, the way his eyebrows lifted and drew together, the way his hair hung in his eyes as his head tilted to the side, the way his cheeks and nose were dusted with the remnants of a pale pink blush. Looking up at Keith, Lance was light and warm and sure of his answer.

“I think I will be, yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading <3


End file.
